How to beat feeling overwhelmed if you are a mom with ADHD.

Why is it that living in a constant state of overwhelm is such an issue for so many moms with ADHD? Maybe it’s because trying to stay on top of everything life throws at you as a mom without ADHD is a balancing act in itself. Nobody will argue with this point. But when you toss ADHD into the mix it becomes doubly challenging.

It’s challenging but NOT impossible. 

Here is a list of things you can do as a mom with ADHD to reduce how overwhelmed you feel each day:

Protect your schedule with a vengeance.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s easier said than done. Because those of us with ADHD have interest-driven brains, we get easily revved up about every new idea. This can be a good thing. We have extra energy toward the things we are interested in.

But it can also be distracting and overwhelming. Since those of us with ADHD also tend to get overwhelmed more easily than others, this can be a dangerous duo. We tend to take on too much because we want to do it all.  

I once worked with a client who exemplified this issue to a tee. She wanted to be one of those moms who canned her own almond milk, made homemade cookies, and did frequent craft projects with her kids. She was creative and enthusiastic and a great mom with so many creative ideas.

The problem was that as a mom with ADHD, she was trying to do so much with the little time that she had, that all of these things got only half done. This left her feeling chaotic and unsuccessful in her endeavors. In her mind, she was far from the “super mom” she envisioned herself to be and as a result, she beat herself up for being such a failure.

If this sounds all too familiar, You may need to work on reining yourself in. I know it’s hard because we all want to chase the shiny things. But as a mom with ADHD, you need to constantly work at simplifying your life and your schedule so that you can keep up. Think tunnel vision if you have to.

While your natural inclination may be to do it all right now, keep reminding yourself to leave those more time-consuming activities out of your schedule. Take on new ideas cautiously, not impulsively, and do them one at a time.

Stop Multitasking.

As mothers, we pride ourselves on our ability to multi-task. The more we can juggle, the better we are at being moms, right? Actually, multi-tasking can make you feel less organized. There are two reasons for this; First, the amount of peace in our lives is reduced when we try to do too many things at one time, and second, when we do several things at once, we do them less accurately, so as a result we make more mistakes.  

Give your full attention to one thing at a time and you’ll get it done more peacefully and more accurately.  Most importantly, you won’t be frazzled and worn out from juggling several tasks at one time all day long. 

As a mom with ADHD, you should always be pruning your calendar.

Many of us live our lives at such a frantic pace that we are tired all of the time.  It is difficult to say no to anything because we feel like everyone around us is saying yes. We fear missing out on something or falling behind. 

But having too many commitments, and too many activities wears us down and leaves us drained. Have you ever been so busy rushing all day long that at the end of it, you can’t even remember what you did all day?  Yep, I’ve been there too.  

Protect your time and take a critical eye to everything you add to your calendar. Look for commitments that might hold less priority and see if you can remove them from your schedule. As a mom with ADHD, your threshold for overwhelm is lower than those without ADHD.

The same goes for your kid’s schedules.  

I don’t know what the culture is like in your child’s school, but in our world, it’s all too easy to get talked into committing to too many activities. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important for kids to be involved in a certain amount of activities but their schedule needs to be balanced with some free time and time to do homework.

After all, if your kids have chaotic calendars crammed with too many activities, your calendar will be the same. Because who’s the one doing all the organizing, planning, and chauffeuring to and from all these activities? You betcha…yours truly.

Let go of thinking that you always need to say yes.

Never give an immediate answer when someone asks you to commit to something.  Instead, tell the person that you need to check your calendar or that you need to talk to your spouse first. This will give you time to think about your schedule and make a more insightful decision rather than an impulsive one. 

It will also give you time to formulate how to give a “no” response if you decide that you don’t have the time in your schedule.  It’s always easier to tell someone “yes” than it is to say “no” but it is important to stand firm to maintain a balanced schedule and keep your sanity.

 Stop thinking you have to make everyone happy.

Are you a people pleaser? Is it important to you that you take care of everyone all of the time and always meet everyone’s needs and requests? In my work with clients, I have noticed a strong correlation between people pleasers, and those who feel like their lives are out of control and chaotic most of the time. These things go hand in hand.

They think they are struggling with productivity but their real problem is they have way too much on their plate because they are trying to keep everyone happy. And once you throw ADHD into the mix this is a recipe for burnout.

How much of your busyness is intentional and how much is running in circles because of other people’s expectations? Keeping others happy is not worth sacrificing your health and well-being. It’s okay to give yourself a break and not meet everyone else’s needs all the time. And do this guilt-free. Your mental peace and physical health should always come first.

Try starting each day with a brain dump.

Daily TO-DO lists are great for getting those nagging thoughts of what you need to get done out of your head and onto paper.  I grab a cup of coffee each morning and make my list. I  put the top 3 or 4 things that have to get done that day at the top of the list.

The rest of the list is for things that have less priority. I may or may not get to them, but just putting them down on paper helps me sort them in my head so I feel more prepared for the day. It also ensures that I don’t forget anything.

Be careful not to overload yourself with too many priority items you will mentally badger yourself for if they don’t get done. Keep the list short and draw a clear line between priority and nonpriority items.

Take care of yourself so that you can take care of others.

It’s time to stop feeling guilty about nurturing yourself. We’ve all heard the flight attendant’s advice to adjust our oxygen mask first to ensure that our own needs are met first. We then are in a better position to care for others. Somehow though, this concept gets completely lost when we are at home.

Taking time to take care of ourselves, is not a selfish endeavor. Set time aside to do the things that help you refuel, and destress, whatever that means to you; paint your nails, have lunch with a friend take a well-deserved nap. 

It’s okay to do these things guilt-free because as you satisfy your needs and desires, you place yourself in a better position to engage more patiently with others.

As a mom with ADHD, it’s important to exercise your right to delegate.

These days, many families are so busy that all hands are needed on deck to keep up with day-to-day to-do lists. Families function best when everyone within the family unit understands their role and responsibility to contribute and do their part.

If you have ADHD, getting help from your partner and other family members is essential to keep things running smoothly. This goes a long way to lower stress levels and promote peace in the home. It’s also important for children to learn the lesson of working as a team. If you are struggling with getting help from other family members, look into Fairplay, a great book by Eve Rodsky.  

She also created the popular Fairplay Cards, this couple’s conversation deck will help you rebalance your to-do lists, and more evenly disperse household responsibilities. The full load and burden of running a household should never fall upon one person. 

Remember that owning less stuff always equals less work.

Those with ADHD struggle more with having too many items to deal with than the average person does. Visual clutter is more overwhelming to us than to those with neurotypical brains.

Additionally, the less stuff you have in your home, the easier it will be to keep it organized, the less maintenance your home will require, and the less cleaning will be needed.

If you are overwhelmed at home, could it be because you are managing a massive inventory of stuff in your home? Get serious about not keeping anything that doesn’t serve you or your family. Declutter with determination. Doing this one thing will make your life so much simpler.

Avoid excessive stocking up.

It might seem like the more you buy when you shop for groceries, and other things, the more time you save yourself shopping later. But the opposite is actually true. Trust me, I see folks make this mistake all the time.

Avoid excessive stocking up because the bigger your inventory, the harder it is to keep it organized. You also risk running out of storage space. Once this happens, you store things in too many places  and behind other things and forget what you have.

Next thing you know, you can no longer find things, and you end up with expired products on your hands. I often like to say, “It’s better to let the store, store things for you until you need them”.

As a mom with ADHD, your best defense is to keep it simple.

Simplify your organizing systems at home to such a degree, that they require as little maintenance as possible. Store things so they are super accessible and clean-up is quick and easy. Everything should make so much sense, that a stranger should be able to enter your home and intuitively be able to find everything.

There are some great organizing products out there that you can utilize to make your home more ADHD-Friendly. To see a list of organization products I recommend if you have ADHD (and also some you should avoid), click HERE.

Store things where you use them and leave tops off of containers so that it only takes a second to grab what you need from the bin. Don’t put things behind other things or stack things on top of things. And remember this above all…The less stuff you have in your home, the simpler you can make your organizing systems.

Make sleep a priority, not a privilege.

Moms are notorious for not getting enough sleep. But for those of us with ADHD, our brains need adequate sleep to function our best. According to WebMD, “Lack of sleep doesn’t just make you tired. It can also worsen symptoms like lack of focus and problems with motor skills.”

To make problems worse, if you are feeling overwhelmed, your overactive ADHD mind may have trouble falling asleep with all the thoughts of what you need to do tomorrow floating around in your head. It’s important to prioritize going to bed early and developing a routine that helps you settle into sleep mode.

There is a great sleep app available called “Sleep Hypnosis for Overthinking and an Overactive Mind” by Sleepcove.com. It does two things. It helps you redirect your thoughts and relax all the muscles in your body so you can fall asleep at night. It’s free, it works for me, and certainly worth a try.

Stop comparing yourself to moms without ADHD.

One of the most common ways that we get frustrated is by comparing ourselves to our friends or siblings who don’t have ADHD. Permit yourself to stop trying so hard to be like your non-ADHD ultra-organized sister. Your home does not need to look like her home.

Accepting that you have ADHD is important along with accepting that your home is going to feel more chaotic as a result of it. Let your home be imperfect and know that if you can keep things semi-organized and somewhat in control, you’re winning the game. Let that be enough.

It’s also important to remind yourself that your home does not need to look like your sister’s home for your family to be healthy and happy.

To get more tips on how to set up your home so that it is ADHD-friendly read my other post: 19 Strategies For Creating an ADHD-Friendly Home. This post can also help you identify ways you can overcome overwhelm and take back control of your home as a mom with ADHD.

Feeling Stuck?

Schedule a coaching call, virtual organizing session, or a home assessment with me, and get the support and encouragement you need to move forward.